Recently, my cousin, who is close to my age, asked me if I ever regretted not having children. I told her "no".
Years ago, when I was in my late teens through early twenties, I thought it would be cool to have a son or two. I figured it would be interesting when I turned 50 to have a son who was 25.
Obviously, things didn't work out that way. In my 20s I was still struggling for work and I was living with my parents after I lived in California for three years. I never wanted to have kids if I wasn't financially ready. I never found a woman I thought would be suitable to settle down with and have children. I knew a few guys who got together with a woman and had kids, only to separate or divorce and have to fight to even see their child.
Ultimately, I am happy not having kids. It would have been nice seeing my parents as grandparents, but I never took the chance. Then other factors came to play.
I like to tease and say that my kids would have been "millennials" or worse, "Gen-Z". Seriously, I would have to complete with sagging pants and an era that doesn't share my values. I know a few people under age 40 who have some traditional values, but far too many don't understand the value of hard work. Too many feel entitled like they are owed something. And the guys like to show their dirty underwear. I am glad I didn't have to compete with any of that.
I would like to think that I would have been a tough but fair parent. IN the early part of child raising, I would have been big on them following rules and instructions. "Do as you are told". As I got older , I found that kids think they can negotiate with their parents. That doesn't fly with me. But...as the kids get older, between 12-15, my rules are based mostly on trust. And trust means unconditional trust. I am more offended by a liar than a rule breaker. When I was about 17, I broke a window while playing stickball. The pitcher ran away. I stood their and waited for the home owner to come out. There was no drama. We went to my mother and the window was paid for. My mother understood the window wasn't broken on purpose. We also agreed that I should find a better spot to play stickball. The point is I told my mother the truth and even though she foot the cash, I accepted responsibility. I would like to have instilled that same sense of responsibility in my kids. I may be annoyed they screwed up, but I'd rather know. Trust. I would have given my kids near free reign after age 16 as long as they followed that rule of trust.
I still don't regret not having kids. Not in this day and age.
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